Chapter Six

Days of Dissonance



July 14, 2010

Today is the first time I have seen this beast drag Mary down. Yes there have been tears and fears; questions and worries, but this evening it all seemed to pile up. It was like the load was just too heavy to hold as we sat across from each other in the office and talked. I held her in my arms. I wished I could take it away and make it mine. But, it is what it is . . . so I will do all that I can and sometimes just listening is all that I can do.

Her brother Steve and his wife Jenny and there six children are here on a visit from Idaho. Jenny has been like a sister the last few years. They have been out shopping for wigs. Something that looks as much like her hair as possible. The wig shop lady told her is just seems a little less frightening to have your hair sitting on the dresser when the day comes that the real hair falls out.

Mary also went to see the plastic surgeon today. That was the hardest part. They discussed options that would make her feel the best through the Chemo and radiation, something temporary and then a more permanent solution after radiation. I wasn’t with her for the appointment.

Steve rented a movie, something to make everyone laugh, and now, in the other room, it seems to be doing the trick.



Joann and Tammie were two of Mary’s best friends. One day in the early summer of 1981 the three of them decided to go camping to Zion’s National Park in Southern Utah. They packed their things and off they went. I don’t believe I knew anything about the trip until John Tangelson showed up on my doorstep. John and I were friends and he was engaged to be married to Joann. When I realized he seemed a little blue I said, “You look like you lost your best friend.”

He replied, “I did. She left for Zions Park this morning.”

“Zions, what’s she doing there?”

“Camping.”

“Alone?”

“No, didn’t Mary tell you?” He knew we had been dating because we’d doubled a few weeks earlier.

“I didn’t hear a thing.”

“Joan, Mary, and Tammy just decided to go camping.” I could see John was already feeling a little incomplete without Joan.

“So you came here to pout?”

“No, I came to see if you want to take a ride to Southern Utah and find them?”

“A ride? It’s four hours away.”

“I know and I can’t afford the gas.” John was a starving student. He drove a big boat of a car and gas prices were out the roof.

I laughed, “So, you want the two of us to ride my bike to Zions and find your girl?”

“You have a stake in this too,” he said.

“I don’t have any claim. She might not like me showing up unexpected.” I wanted to go, but I didn’t. If Mary wanted me to know she was leaving, she would have told me.

“Blame it on me,” John said in desperation. “Tell her I made you go.”

It didn’t take much pleading to convince me. Mary was my girl; she just didn’t know it yet.

We strapped our sleeping bags to the bike and put our gear in the saddle bags, cranked up the music and adjusted our helmets. I owned two bikes. One for the road and one for the dirt and we were on the road. It was near dusk when we arrived at the park entrance. We crept past every campsite we could see, and then drove from campground to campground inspecting spot after spot until late into the night. Mary owned a cute little red Ford Fiesta. If it was there, we would have found it.

“They aren’t here,” John finally conceded.

“You’re sure they were coming to Zions?”

“That’s what Joann told me.” John was disappointed.

We soon found ourselves lying on the hard ground, staring up at the midnight stars. The following morning John insisted on a new search of each campground. Our efforts delivered the same results. We later learned that the girls had found a dirt road off the beaten path and driven down it. The spent night under the same midnight stars only a quarter mile from where we had spent the night.



July 15, 2010

The lab called today. It’s not good news. Mary is Her2 negative. This will make fighting the cancer more difficult. There has not been a good long term treatment developed for the triple negative receptor yet. This makes reoccurrence nearly three times more likely. We are especially grateful that we caught it early. Because it is still so small, this increases the odds of long term survival.

There was some encouraging news. The MRI reports came back. The cancer has not spread to other portions of the breasts and the tumor is the same size they have anticipated.

We are going camping this weekend. The motor home is about to be used. It will be a quick get away because Mary is working someone’s second half on Friday.